When "trust your child" isn't enough: a kid's brain versus technologies designed to addict

In this issue: how Danish focus on freedom conflicts with child protection; EU considers social media age restrictions; the impact of "sharenting": posting things about our kids without their consent

Last Saturday we had an excellent first in-person meeting of our budding Copenhagen expat/tech/parenting group. Thank you Eimear, Joanna, Luis and Matt for taking time from your weekend to connect and share your experiences, anxieties, and hopes for making things better.

My main takeaways

A significant challenge recognized at the meeting lies in the fact that the Danish concept of freedom as a core value can conflict with what's good for the child. Danes don't want to make decisions for other people - sometimes, even for their own kid. One parent shared an interesting example: when they asked the municipality about why there are no content filters for access to online content on school computers, the answer was that it's intentional: kids should regulate themselves.

This is very much about "I trust my kid to make the right choices," which in some circumstances is absolutely the right approach. But when it comes to dealing with the addictive aspects of technology, this approach breaks down. We don't give our kids alcohol or cigarettes and tell them "I trust you". There's a major imbalance between billion-dollar industries producing addictive technologies and constantly investing in perfecting ways to mine our attention for profit, and on the other side, the power of an individual child exposed to these technologies to self-regulate.

Another topic brought up was about whether principles around screen time are holding children back or causing them to be excluded. For example, if my child cannot game online, could that lead them to losing friends? There was a case made that for many boys, their “social media” is actually online gaming, with all the complications that brings. Roblox was given as an example of a deep dark hole of risks ranging from infinite content to game mechanics that are very similar to gambling (or even become a gateway to gambling as kids grow older).

Finally, another major concern expressed was about privacy, and our kids having a digital footprint before they can make a conscious decision about whether they want that or not.

Moving forward as a group

We talked about what we can change as a group and potential nonprofit. We see that while Danish authorities provide support and educational materials to Danish-speaking parents, similar support is not available for English speakers.

The main area where we can have an initial impact is education/awareness: distilling science-based research into simple, accessible content, and providing parents with easily accessible materials about the main risks and challenges of digital technologies. This way we can empower parents to make informed decisions about their kids' digital lives.

Two other big directions we also looked at were:

1. Trying to change policies, for example, initiatives like the social media ban for under-16 children.

2. Research: e.g. running longitudinal studies to look at the impact of technology on kids across time, or benchmarking games and digital platforms based on specific criteria to evaluate the risks they pose for children (this second idea actually sits at the intersection of research and education/awareness).

With all of this in mind, I am making a call for everyone who wants to get involved to reach out to me at svoinea@gmail.com as we are slowly gearing up to set up a nonprofit. If you want to shape our objectives and approach from the start, and you can help especially with fundraising and partnerships, please let me know.

Check this out: things worth your attention

🗞️OECD Report: How's Life for Children in the Digital Age?

8 significant takeaways from the report:

1. Most children have their own smartphone by age 10.

2. 54% of respondents had experienced online sexual harms before they were 18. Two-thirds of respondents who received sexually explicit material online as children received it through a private messaging service, most commonly on their personal mobile device.

3. Most adolescents spend more than 4.2 hours per day on digital devices

4. Only half of 15-year-olds can easily change the settings of a device or app to protect their data and privacy

5. Around one in six 15-year-olds feels nervous without their digital devices on hand, and nearly half keep notifications active on digital devices before going to sleep

6. 40% of adolescents were upset the last time information about them was shared online without their consent

7. Problematic social media use varies across age groups but is a bigger issue for girls

8. Cyberbullying rates have increased in nearly all OECD countries

🗞️Almost half of young people would prefer a world without internet, UK study finds

Half of 16- to 21-year-olds support ‘digital curfew’ and nearly 70% feel worse after using social media. A quarter of respondents spent four or more hours a day on social media, while 42% of those surveyed admitted to lying to their parents and guardians about what they do online.

🗞️ A Consensus Statement on Potential Negative Impacts of Smartphone and Social Media Use on Adolescent Mental Health

Over 120 international researchers from 11 disciplines evaluated 26 claims covering international trends in adolescent mental health. These are their main conclusions: first, adolescent mental health has declined in several Western countries over the past 20 years. Second, heavy smartphone and social media use can cause sleep problems. Third, smartphone and social media use correlate with attention problems and behavioural addiction. Fourth, among girls, social media use may be associated with body dissatisfaction, perfectionism, exposure to mental disorders, and risk of sexual harassment and predation. Fifth, evidence on social deprivation and relational aggression is limited. Sixth, the evidence for policies like age restrictions and school bans is preliminary.

🗞️ Europe’s effort to block kids from social media gathers pace

The European Union would become a world leader in stopping kids from using social media under a new proposal gaining traction in Brussels. The proposal, which is being spearheaded by Greece and already has the support of digital frontrunners France and Spain, would see the EU set new rules to massively curb children’s social media use amid growing concerns about the impacts of spending too much time online. The issue has gained increased attention worldwide after Australia moved to set a minimum age of 16 for signing up to accounts with certain social media sites as of later this year.

🗞️Kids exposed to social media posts about violence and suicide

A BBC investigation has found young teenagers are being exposed to content about weapons, bullying, murder and suicide soon after joining social media platforms. The project, which saw six fictional profiles set up as 13-15-year-olds, found they were shown the "worrying" posts within just minutes of scrolling on TikTok and YouTube. They were also guided to sexually suggestive content on Instagram. Online safety expert David Wright said: "While the findings are concerning they are, unfortunately, not surprising."

🗞️TikTok to launch meditation feature in face of lawsuits and criticism over the app's effects on children

Plagued with lawsuits and allegations of harming users' mental health, especially that of children, social media sensation TikTok is turning to meditation to promote wellness and deter late-night doomscrolling. The meditation feature, aimed at improving sleep quality, is triggered during "sleep hours" and will be turned on by default for users under the age of 18. If these young users are on the app after 10 p.m., their "For You" feed will be interrupted by the guided meditation exercise. If a teen continues to use TikTok after the first reminder, the company will show a second full-screen meditation prompt.

🗞️Gen Z users and a dad tested Instagram Teen Accounts. Their feeds were shocking.

As of this past fall, all accounts used by teens are supposed to automatically filter out “sensitive” content, among other protections, for mental health and safety. Over two weeks, Gulati says, his test account received recommended sexual content that “left very little to the imagination.” He counted at least 28 Instagram Reels describing sexual acts, including digital penetration, using a sex toy and memes describing oral sex. The Instagram account, he says, became preoccupied with “toxic masculinity” discussions about “what men should and shouldn’t do.”

🗞️Teen girls’ screen time linked to poor sleep and depression

Teenagers in Sweden tend to use their devices for far longer than national health guidelines recommend. Both girls and boys spent three to four hours per day on their devices, above the two- or three-hour limit that Sweden’s public health agency recommends for teenagers. But at the roughly same level of screen time, teen girls had an average depression score that was twice as high as among boys.

🗞️Digital Media Use and Sleep Disturbances in Children: Insights From a Cross-Sectional Study (n=500)

Screen time is independently and dose-dependently associated with parent-reported sleep disturbances in children. Reducing screen exposure, particularly in the evening, may help improve sleep quality in this population.

🗞️While Romanians argue about politics on social media and TV, children absorb all the chaos

Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, a doctor from the United States and expert in brain development, warns: “Experiences actually change the physical structure of the brain.” Every hour spent in front of screens with chaotic content, every electoral scandal on TV affects children’s neurons, who don’t remain indifferent: over 50% of parents surveyed in another study stated they observed concerns in their children related to political issues presented in the media. Sound pollution inside homes – from televisions with news and political scandals to noisy household appliances – is added to that from the external environment, and children are more vulnerable to noise than adults because they are developing and have limited control over filtering information.

🗞️Snapchat is Harming Children at an Industrial Scale

Similar to TikTok, we show that company insiders were aware of multiple widespread and serious harms, and in many cases did not act promptly or make substantial changes. As Snap’s director of security engineering said regarding Android users who are selling drugs or child sexual abuse material on Snap: “That’s fine it’s been broken for ten years we can tolerate tonight.”

🗞️What you need to know about “sharenting”

When we share things about our children online without involving them in that decision making process, we’re missing out on a valuable opportunity to teach our children and model for our children the idea of consent.

🗞️ A proposed law could require warning labels on social media in New York

Democratic lawmakers are pushing for warning labels on social media platforms. Similar to warning labels on cigarettes or alcohol. Two matching bills in the state Senate and Assembly would require social media companies to display a warning label when users open their apps. That warning would be designed by the state mental health commissioner.

New Yorker Daily Cartoon: Wednesday, April 30th

One thing to try this week

Have your kid game alongside you. If your child plays online games (like Roblox mentioned previously), set aside time this week to play with them. Ask them to show you their favorite game, how it works, maybe find out who their online friends are. Don't judge or criticize, just observe and learn. This helps you understand their digital social world and gain insight into the game mechanics, see how they interact with others online, and open a natural conversation about digital safety.

I want to hear from you

What questions about kids and technology keep you up at night? Would you like to contribute to a future newsletter? Add a comment or send me an email at svoinea@gmail.com.

This newsletter will evolve based on what matters to you. Reach out with your thoughts and questions, and if you know other parents who might find this helpful please send them the newsletter.